Defeating the Scale Tuesday – Week 9

• Starting Weight: 190.8 pounds
• Current Weight: 13.6
• Week Difference: + 1.4
• Total Difference: +2.6
• Emotion: Meh

Not really defeating the scale, am I?  I just got my paper tracker and my FitBit zip so I am using those now.  I am so pissed at myself.  SO PISSED.  How.  Did.   I.  Let.  Myself.  Get.  Back.  Here.

Oh I know how:

1. I didn’t track honestly.  I would track Breakfast and lunch and possibly snacks and then say eff it by the end of the day.  Then I would eat what I want and act like it was no big deal, when really, the pain of it was festering.
2. I dropped my activity level.  A few years ago when training for the Half Marathon I was running about 30 – 35 miles a week.  I could eat a bit more liberally.  But, since I have pretty much abandoned the training (For the past 4 or so halfs and pretty much every other race) I haven’t been able to continue keeping the weight at bay.
3. I let myself comfort myself with Food.  Bad day? FOOD.  Crappy Week? FOOD.  Great day? FOOD.  Awesome week? FOOD.  Oh and let’s not forget the bored eating.
4. Alcohol has become a staple that it never was before.  I used to laugh when people told me that when they started Weight Watchers and cut back their alcohol, they lost a ton of weight.  I used to think “I don’t drink that much.”  Well that’s changed.  I drink too much, too often.  I wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck most weekends.
5. My desire seems to be gone.

I want to lose weight, but that doesn’t mean I am ready to lose weight.  Which blows.  I’m trying to push myself in that direction because I am tired of the way I look, the way I feel, and how low I see myself.

Today, after seeing the read out on the scale, I forced myself to wear heels, nice pants, and a new top I bought.  I forced myself to look nice, in hopes that the confidence boost in my nice clothes would help.

It’s a new day, it’s a new week.  I will conquer it.